“What
am I doing here? I should have just stayed home. I don’t belong here. I don’t
fit in. I don’t fit in anywhere,” Richard thought as he stood by himself
watching the party. He wanted to join a cluster of young people talking in the
kitchen but was afraid. “Even if they let me join in, I will mess up. I
will just say something dumb or do something stupid and they will laugh at me.
That would be worse than just standing here by myself.”


He had told himself he would do better this time. This time
he was going to act like he had as much of a right to be there as anyone else.
This time he would not just stand around and watch everyone have a good time.


“If I were just bigger and did not look so weird I’d be
fine. I’d have friends and fit in.”


Later that night, Richard was alone in his room. He had left
the party after a half hour or so; and no one even noticed. “Why doesn’t
anyone want me around? Even my family doesn’t want me. What family? That’s a
good joke: my so called family. What’s wrong with me?” He sat in his chair
staring off into space feeling awful. “I should have known better. I
should have known it would turn out like that. It always does. I was stupid
like usual.” He felt the tears as he turned off the light and got into
bed. “It’s always going to be this way. No one will ever care. Why should
they? I don’t care either.”