Have you ever played Twenty Questions? Someone is thinking of
something. There usually is a category or some other limitation; but you need
to guess what the person has in mind. You can ask up to twenty questions that
can be answered “Yes,” or “No.” If you figure it out, you
win. If not, the other person gives you the answer and is the winner.
Imagine how it would be to play this game if you had no idea what the
category was. Now imagine how you would feel if, after your twenty questions,
you were never told the answer. Do you think that you would keep playing? It is
Relationships where one or both people do not talk and share are like
the Twenty Question game. At first, whoever is most socially inclined asks the
questions. The answers are non-responsive and vague. There is just not much
useful feedback. Maybe sooner and maybe later, the twenty questions decrease to
fifteen. The game is too frustrating and is getting boring. Fifteen decreases
to ten and then to five. It is really exasperating and not worth the effort.
Besides, who cares anyway? Five becomes four and the game fizzles out. No one
is talking and sharing and no one cares.
Even without talking and sharing, you both continue your lives, are
growing and changing. You each are having new experiences, are having new
thoughts, see things differently, and are becoming different people. If this
continues long enough, neither of you knows the other anymore.
What about your relationship? There is no relationship to be concerned
about. You may still be going through the motions; but what you had together is
gone. Perhaps you can have a renewed relationship eventually; but not any time
soon. You would have to start building it all over again, if there is any
interest or motivation for that sort of thing.
Simon’s advice is simple. Talk and Share. Do it for each other, do it
for today. Also, do it for tomorrow, unless you just like starting things over
again. Whatever your choice, understand the cost of your silence.