“A major part of my attraction to you is your valuing who I am,
my interests, and my priorities. You understand my needs, goals, and what I
want for me. Beyond this, you support and encourage those activities and
involvements I value outside of our relationship.”




That Simon. He does have a way of putting complex ideas into compact
packages. “Value who I am, my interests, and my priorities.” Is this
a message worth sending to your significant other? Sure it is; and Simon’s
suggestion is simple. “Value before asking to be valued.” There you
go. It is another version of one of the PPS basics. “Concentrate more on
being a better lover than on being loved better.” Your job is to value
your significant other. Whether you are valued depends on how attractive you
are. How well you do your job of valuing is, for what it is worth, an important
dimension of your attractiveness.




Do you get it? Undoubtedly you do. You are only responsible for your
side of your relationship. You are committed to PPS and relate the best you
can, whenever you can. Just as you apply the principle to valuing, you also
apply it to understanding, supporting, and encouraging; but there is an old
myth that Simon needs to debunk here and now.




The notion of “unconditional love” is nonsense. It does not
exist between parent and child, lover and beloved, nor between friends. Love
certainly can survive a lot of abuse and even more neglect; but love has its
limits. People may still go through the motions for duty or from habit. They
may even continue to call it love; but love it is not. Whatever the emotion has
become, it is but a figment of that which they first called love. Perhaps it is
merely the memory of love passing itself off as the genuine article.




Simon’s point is simple. Valuing, understanding, supporting, and
encouraging can survive less abuse and neglect than can love. They are among
the first attachment behavior to go when your relationship is going down the
tube. As with other things in your relationship, the ounce of prevention is
much easier and much more certain than any amount or kind of cure. Value,
understand, support, and encourage. Do it for your significant other; do it for
you.