The chart below is for your use in determining the usual
personal interpersonal style type with which you are most comfortable for
yourself. Your usual style falls into
one of the four quadrants of the chart below.
As you will see, each quadrant contains two representative from the
TATORS and five characteristics from the Interpersonal Elements. Your task is to choose the combination with
which you are most comfortable and with which you most identify
personally. Once you have chosen the
combination that best describes you, that quadrant can then be seen as an
approximate description of your style, your way of relating within your family.
You will tend to experience most difficulties with those
family members whose styles are best described by the quadrant diagonal from
yours. You will have the next level of
difficulty with those family members whose styles are best characterized as
falling in the same quadrant as yours.
The least difficulty will be experience with family members whose styles
are best characterized by the quadrants adjacent to yours.
At the bottom of each quadrant is a short phrase that
characterizes the four styles. Street
Fighters will have the least difficulty with Cheerleaders and
Pacifiers. Street Fighters will have
more difficulty with other Street Fighters but will experience the highest
difficulty trying to deal with Unanimity Seekers.
Once you have located your style, determine the styles of
other family members. When you are
having difficulties, do not take it personally.
Remember that it is just a matter of style. Things will go better with dictators if you
encourage them to be assertive and give them more opportunities to be
decisive. Be very selective about those
points at which you choose to be confrontive, insist on your rights, or have to
have things your way. The idea is not to
roll over and play dead. The idea is
to find opportunities for the dictator to be decisive, assertive, spontaneous,
energetic, and flexible, with ample opportunity for him/her to feel like he/she
won the streetfight. Use the same
approach for improving relationships when you are having difficulties with
family members who reflect styles from any of the other three quadrants. As a trade-off, encourage them to create
opportunities for you to exercise your style more freely and purposefully.